The Unanticipated Recrudescence
by ShamyBabboos
Summary: Six months was all it took for Sheldon Cooper to fall in love with Amy Farrah Fowler, but one day, she's gone. Three years later, she's back and Sheldon's heart cracks open once more. Can they repair what they built together, or is the pain of a broken heart too much for Sheldon to endure again? AU. Shamy.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hello all! First, I want to start by saying that I'm super glad to be back writing fan fiction. This year has been a crazy ride and I'm glad to be back doing what I love.**

 **This story is another collaboration between myself and my very best friend, Drummergirl66 which has been in the making for nearly a year! We hope you enjoy it!**

 **Note, this is also an AU, and both Sheldon and Amy will be out of character to some degree, especially as the story unfolds.**

* * *

 **Chapter One**

* * *

Sheldon walked into the cafeteria carrying the tray containing his lunch in his hands. He hated the university's definition of lunch, but he never bothered to bring his food from home. Besides, he worked there so the food was free. He scanned the large room, students occupied many of the tables; some chatting away and laughing together without a care in the world, others with their noses buried between the pages of their textbooks. Other tables had colleagues seated around them. He had his sights on a particular table and he sauntered over as he found it.

Raj, Howard, and Leonard were already seated there, talking in a low whisper and Sheldon, with his Vulcan hearing, noted what seemed to be Raj's plan to pick up another poor woman. He gritted his teeth as he felt a twinge of annoyance bubble inside of him. His friends, for one reason or another, just couldn't hold an intellectual conversation.

Still, he enjoyed their company and while he didn't always like the subject matter of their babbling, he learned to tolerate it for the duration of his lunch hour. Any longer, Sheldon figured, he would lose a fair number of his valuable brain cells.

"Gentlemen," he greeted as he set his tray down and scooted the chair out to sit beside Leonard, "what are we discussing today?" Sheldon knew he'd regret asking, but he was raised to be polite. Texas upbringing and all. Perhaps that would persuade them to change the subject to something more preferable, like physics or himself.

"Oh, the usual," Howard began with a smirk as he bit into a baby carrot, he continued talking as he chewed, "A new _female_ scientist started working here and Raj is plotting to woo her, unsuccessfully, I might add."

Raj shook his head and gave Howard a playful sneer, "Don't be jealous just because I have game, dude. This will be a slam dunk for me, you'll see."

"I have plenty of game," Howard flashed his wedding band on his left hand with pride, "and the trophy to prove it."

Leonard huffed in disdain as he asked, "And what makes you think that this attempt will be any different than the one before?"

"Well _this_ one is a scientist—" Raj began, even though a number of his potential ventures had been scientists as well. It was no secret Raj enjoyed pursuing women at work, no matter how apparent they made their disinterest known.

"A neurobiologist, actually," Howard added with a wink, "I heard those brain-studying women are pretty freaky." He wiggled his eyebrows up and down suggestively. Sheldon grimaced and shivered. Sheldon had no idea why his friends talked about women so much, in which he was not interested. He had no use for a girlfriend, a wife, a life partner, what have you. He was perfectly happy remaining single, it gave him more free time to work on obtaining his Nobel Prize by the year 2020.

If he ever felt the desire to procreate, he could just as easily donate his sperm, or find a surrogate with a high enough IQ who was willing to use her uterus for the greater good.

"Are you three wasting your lunch hour discussing a _biologist_? Sounds like a dull conversation," Sheldon said as he looked at his friends, unsurprised by the subject they had chosen to talk about.

Leonard nodded in agreement, "It was until Raj thought he could seduce her. Now it's pretty entertaining . . ." Leonard's lips curled into an unkind smile as he said it and Raj glared and pouted his bottom lip in return.

"From what I've seen, this woman is tasteful. She even dresses like it. I bet she'll appreciate all the romantic moves I lay on her." Raj defended with a playful shimmy of his shoulders.

"If she's tasteful," Howard began, "then she definitely won't."

Sheldon gave up at that point. He frowned as he picked at his food, uninterested in the macaroni that the Caltech chefs had made. He took a small bite and grimaced. It wasn't the worst food he's had— Penny's food, indeed won that award— but it was still tasteless and too _al dente_ for his liking _._

"She's highly acclaimed." Leonard said, and while Sheldon tried to tune out what his friends were saying, it was hard to ignore them when they were only two feet away from him, "She's been featured in Neuron Magazine. Twice."

"I know!" Raj flashed a one-thousand-watt smile, "Gosh, imagine having a partner as intelligent as me . . . What a dream."

"From what I've heard, her work seems pretty interesting, too. A lot to do with addiction studies." Howard mentioned, "Bernie read her article a few months ago."

Sheldon's hand stopped, the fork in his hand stabbing into a piece of macaroni as he heard that. There was only one scientist he knew of— a female biologist— who studied addiction. No… it couldn't be her… However, he couldn't stop himself from lifting his head and asking, "What'd you say her name was?"

He pleaded inwardly, hoping it wasn't who he thought it was. His anxiety began to twist his stomach and cause a feeling similar to indigestion. She couldn't have come back… could she?

Raj glared at him, "Why? You going to try and steal her from me?! Not cool, dude!"

The table was silent for several seconds before Leonard and Howard busted out laughing. Sheldon looked at them with a confused frown and he and Raj both waited for their laughing to calm down.

Howard was the first to calm down. He wiped a stray tear from his eye and patted Raj on the shoulder sympathetically, "Raj, Raj . . . I love you, bud, but remember who you're talking to! Sheldon wouldn't try to steal a girl from you, it's Sheldon! Even if she was yours— which she isn't— he wouldn't even notice that she _was_ a woman, to begin with."

Sheldon licked his lips. His palms began to perspire, "Where did she work before?"

"I thought I heard something about Harvard. I could be wrong though…" Sheldon's heart rate spiked and he felt his fight or flight kick in. Leonard then bit into his sandwich, "Why she'd come all the way to California from Massachusetts, I don't know." He spoke between chewing his sandwich and Sheldon wanted to scold him for his poor table manners, but his mind was occupied with other things.

"What's her na—"

Raj cut him off, "Oh, who cares why she came here? The point is I didn't see a wedding ring on her finger. She's single!"

"Koothrappali, what's her—"

Again, he was ignored as Howard spoke over him, "No ring doesn't mean she's not dating someone. I know that mistake personally."

Sheldon began losing his patience. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to try and calm himself down.

"Why would she move all the way over here if she was dating . . . Wait, maybe someone broke up with her. That would be even more perfect! She'd be desperate and on the rebound!" Raj realized with a devilish, almost primal grin.

"Would one of you sex-crazed morons shut up and tell me what her name i—"

"Oh, oh, oh! There she is!" Raj's voice lowered to an excited whisper, "Don't look all at once! Her name is—"

Sheldon turned around and upon seeing her, his heart dropped onto the floor. His pulse raced. His forehead began to dampen from sweat.

"Doctor Amy Farrah Fowler . . ." Sheldon muttered, loud enough only for his table of friends to hear.

"Wait, you know her?" Leonard asked with a quizzical look and a tilt of his head.

Howard then whispered "Yeah, how? When were you in Massachusetts?"

"It doesn't matter how he knows her. I called dibs!" Raj growled under his breath, his deep chocolate eyes glaring at Sheldon in a protective alpha wolf kind of way.

"You do realize that a woman isn't property, right?" Leonard started before Sheldon only focused on Amy. The voices of his friends were merely background noise as she looked around the cafeteria.

It appeared as though Amy hadn't aged a day since he had last seen her. Her hair had gotten longer since then as it now followed the subtle curve of her breasts, but was still the deep shade of brunette that reminded him of the soothing comfort of hot chocolate in December. Her eyes, green and gold-flecked, were still hidden behind glasses. Though instead of the red frames he knew, she now wore black with pink and orange tortoiseshell. She was still dressed in layers — far too many for Pasadena— though he could still make out her feminine curves beneath them. It was, without a doubt, Amy. Brilliant, feisty, mysterious Amy.

They locked eyes and Sheldon gulped as she took notice and flinched at the sight of him. They stared at each other for several moments across the room before Amy began to walk over, her fear diaphanous as his own, he was sure. As she walked closer, he noticed that her eyes carried the same softness he remembered, and just as inquisitive. Her steps were timid as they had been. Like a deer walking out into an open field, she was graceful yet on alert.

The bickering among Leonard, Howard, and Raj quieted as she drew nearer and Sheldon could hear Raj whisper, "Isn't she beautiful? She reminds me of Blossom…"

"That show from the 90s?" Howard whispered.

"Yeah… an angel…" Raj swooned, followed by sighing dreamily.

She stopped when she approached the table. Her eyes remained fixated on Sheldon and it took all Sheldon had to maintain his composure. His eyes, however, were powerless and stayed locked onto hers, he wasn't strong enough to resist her soul-capturing gaze. He believed her to be the closest thing comparable to a black hole. Once you entered the event horizon— her eyes— you were a goner and at the mercy of their gravitational pull.

"Sheldon . . ." Her voice pierced Sheldon's heart. His name was her weapon and just like that, he was free from his frozen state. Sheldon prided himself on avoiding confrontation, and this was no different. Before he had the nerve to say anything back to her in reply, he stood up and bolted past her and out of the cafeteria. She still smelled of vanilla and lavender he discovered, and he felt the overwhelming and unwelcome sensation of nostalgia wash over him. This wasn't just any nostalgia. This wasn't the sweet scent of honeysuckle and the memory of their subtle-tasting nectar, this memory burned and scarred him.

Once out of the cafeteria, Sheldon slowed his pace but still rushed his way down the several corridors of the building until he found the sanctuary that was his office. He quickly unlocked the door and slammed it shut once more. He pressed his back to the wooden door and looked upwards at the ceiling.

He took a few calming breaths until his fingers stopped shaking. He swallowed, his tongue dry as he tried his darnedest to organize his scattered thoughts. Sheldon thought back to _Star Trek_ , in the episode _The Naked Time_. He was Spock, shaken, illogical, and on the edge of a total emotional breakdown.

"It's not her . . . It's not her. You're losing it, Cooper," his breathing had slowed, but his brain didn't seem to benefit from his deep inhalations, "there's no way she could be… Be here…"

But she was, bright as day. Looking as good as she did years ago. Amy was back. Here. In Pasadena.

Sheldon sighed and stepped away from the door to pace around his office. He whispered to himself; he found talking to himself to be the most effective way for him to solve a problem, "Why is she here? Why? Was she looking for me? What could she—"

A knock on the door stopped his train of thought dead in its tracks. He stopped his pacing and stared at the door. He felt like a child who had come face to face with the monster under the bed, big-eyed and unsure of what to do. There were only two possible answers on who was at the door. Amy or not Amy. Schrodinger's Amy. He hesitated. For once, he hoped Kripke or Bert was at the door instead. As much as he hated those options, he figured debating with Kripke would be far more enjoyable than talking to Amy. Hell, he'd sooner be getting a vasectomy without any anesthetic than talk to her.

He could ignore the person on the other side of the door, but he saw no logic in that. It was only delaying the inevitable. Like that same child facing the grotesque monster, Sheldon straightened his back and walked to the door. He pictured himself with a phaser in his hand, a brave Starfleet officer from the _Starship Enterprise_. Aware of the danger, but unwavering. Hopefully, for his inner-self, he wasn't wearing a red shirt.

He cursed inwardly as he opened the door and saw Amy's emerald stare. He should have known. The Starfleet officer in his head lifted his phaser and placed his finger on the trigger when the enemy came into view.

"Sheldon, I-I know you may not want to see me but . . . can we talk?" Amy asked, her soft voice pleading. Sheldon's inner officer lowered his gun, but still kept his finger on the faithful trigger.

Sheldon said nothing and Amy continued, looking up at him with eyes that were beginning to water, her cheeks starting to redden, "I know you're possibly surprised to see me. Believe me, I understand. But I just . . . Let me explain. I—"

"Doctor Fowler," Sheldon interrupted her by raising his hand, "I have nothing to say to you."

With that, he shut the door in her face. His inner Starfleet officer lay dead, the wound in Sheldon's heart cracked open. His shirt was red.

* * *

 **Thank you in advance for your reviews!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: Thank you for your support, and thank you to my co-author and best friend DrummerGirl66!**

* * *

 **Chapter Two**

* * *

As soon as Sheldon shut the door in Amy's face, he took a deep breath and stared at the well-worn wooden door. He realized he meant exactly what he told her— he had nothing to say. At least, there wouldn't be a point in talking, not to her at any rate. It wouldn't have changed what had transpired in the past, the pain would still be there. The frustration, the emotions he had never felt until she walked into his life as if she ran his whole world. He turned around and walked back to his desk. He landed in his comfortable leather chair and ran his hands up and down his face to try and massage the stress out of his facial muscles.

He lowered his hands and looked around his office. In the quiet, his mind began to wander. Why was Amy back? Another fellowship, or… he shivered. Was she a permanent addition? He hoped not. Their departments were on the same floor, meaning he would run into her often enough. Plus, the wound, even after three years, was still fresh.

Another knock at his door and Sheldon felt his anxiety spike through the roof once again despite himself. Was Amy still at the door? Was she that determined to wrench out his emotions and stab his heart? Before he had time to yell out that she was unwelcome there, the door opened and Leonard poked his head out. Sheldon sighed in both relief and frustration. Leonard was known for putting his nose where it didn't belong and Sheldon didn't have the patience for it. Not today.

"Hey Buddy, are you okay? What happened back there?" His voice was sympathetic, almost pitiful and Sheldon hated to be pitied upon.

Sheldon shook his head dismissively, "Nothing. It was nothing."

"That's hardly believable," Leonard walked into Sheldon's office and shut the door, "It's obvious that you know that woman—"

"Knew," Sheldon corrected with a glare, "I _knew_ her. Quite some time ago."

Leonard tilted his head, "How? When were you ever in Massachusetts?"

"I wasn't, she was here." Sheldon answered as he crossed his arms over his chest, "but I don't want to talk about it. I have work to do, so if you could please leave, I'd appreciate it."

"Were you two close?" The creases in Leonard's forehead became more pronounced as he spoke. Sheldon could tell that while Leonard was more inquisitive than a bloodhound, he honestly did care for him.

' _Yes and look where it got me.'_ Sheldon thought to himself, but he wasn't about to be an open book about his past with Amy, not even to his best friend. He hardly wanted to think about it himself.

Sheldon stood from his chair and sighed, "What part of 'I have work to do' do you not understand?"

Leonard nodded and his shoulders slouched noticeably, "Right… just know that I care about you, Buddy. You can always talk to me if you need to."

"Duly noted," Sheldon said before Leonard turned around and walked out of the office.

Right before Leonard shut the door, Sheldon caught a glimpse of Howard and Raj in the hallway with Leonard. He grimaced as the door shut with a click. Great, the gossips. Slowly, he stood from his desk chair and tiptoed to the closed door and pressed his ear against the cold wood. The last thing he wanted as for Howard or Raj to start rumors about him, especially when those rumors could involve Amy.

Howard was the first to speak, "So? What's going on, is he okay?"

"I don't think so, but he won't talk to me."

Raj's worried voice came next, "Really? He looked like he saw a ghost when future Mrs. Rajesh Koothrappali walked up."

Sheldon snorted and glared at the door.

Sheldon nodded when Howard cut in, "Cut it out, Raj. That woman didn't even notice you."

"All he said was that he knew her a long time ago. When she was here."

"Here? I've never seen her…" Howard said.

"Me neither. Here in Pasadena? Caltech?"

"I don't know, he didn't elaborate," Leonard said before letting out a huge sigh.

"Hmm," Howard hummed, "if Sheldon were a normal person, I'd say he must have had a romantic encounter with her before. But he's not a normal person so that is out of the question."

Sheldon's stomach dropped and he stood frozen by the floor.

Raj chuckled and said in a hushed tone Sheldon could barely register, "Maybe she hacked the software that makes his brain function."

Howard let out a giggle and Raj snickered, but Leonard— good, old Leonard— wasn't having it, "Come on, guys, he seems upset after just seeing her for a moment. This is serious."

"Maybe she talked down about his work. You know how he gets when people do that."

"Or she stole his work," Raj suggested and Sheldon gave the door a confused expression.

Leonard reminded him, to which Sheldon nodded along, "She's a neurobiologist. She has no use for theoretical physics."

"Then why is he like this?" Howard asked.

"That's none of your business," he whispered, looking down at the floor.

"Whatever it is, we won't know until he feels comfortable talking about it. Which might be never," Leonard then spoke to Raj, "But I think that means that Raj, you can't date her."

"Damn…"

"Don't worry, Raj," Howard began with a soft laugh, "it was never going to happen anyway."

Sheldon nodded himself. Why he was happy Raj was forbidden from dating Amy, he had no idea. Whatever she meant to him, she no longer was.

The journey home was silent, which Sheldon great preferred. Unfortunately, there was also awkwardness, which Sheldon did not. Each time he took a sideways glance at Leonard, he was opening and closing his mouth much like a fish who was out of the water. He was dying to say something and Sheldon knew it.

"So," Leonard cleared his throat, "how was the rest of your day?"

"Fine." He answered curtly.

Leonard's grip tightened on the steering wheel in Sheldon's periphery, "Sheldon, please. Talk to me. I'm your best friend, and I can tell something is bothering you."

Sheldon didn't reply at first. When Leonard slowed the car to a stop at a red light, he leaned back into the driver's seat and just looked at him expectantly. Leonard was correct, they were friends— the best of friends, actually— and since Leonard had stood up for him earlier in the hall, Sheldon owed him some explanations.

"What do you want to know?"

"Did she— Amy— work at Caltech?" Leonard asked, and that at least was easy enough to answer.

"Yes. She was working at Harvard, but she took a fellowship for six months about three years ago."

Leonard scrunched his face up as he tried to remember seeing Amy before, "Why don't I remember her?"

"She mostly stayed in her laboratory," Sheldon answered, "I only met her because I was forced into going through the biology department for an errand I was weaseled into doing. Not to mention that was around the time you and Penny got back together, so you were no doubt occupied elsewhere."

Leonard pouted, but didn't defend it, "Okay . . . so you met her. Then what?"

* * *

 _Sheldon quickened his pace as he walked down the corridor or offices and laboratories. He only ever went through the biology department on his way to lunch, but even that was a chore. Unfortunately, he was just roped into walking across campus to deliver some papers to the human resources department over "being overly insulting to a freshman student." In Sheldon's defense, he hated giving lectures, especially to pre-graduates. And to get to HR, he needed to go through this inferior department._

 _Turning the corner, he saw a man securing a nameplate to an open door. Once the handyman felt satisfied with his work, he picked up his toolbox and walked away. Sheldon went to the door curiously and read the name on the plaque:_

 _Amy Farrah Fowler, Ph.D._

 _Neurobiology — Addiction_

 _Sheldon frowned. Great. Another biologist taking the money that rightfully deserved to go to the physics department. He was about to continue his errand when the strong smell of formaldehyde tickled his nose and made him stop once more. He peered through the open door to see a woman in a crisp white lab coat. She wore her hair back in a tight ponytail, and she wore safety goggles over her red-framed glasses. There was a brain in one gloved hand and Sheldon could see that it was human. In the other hand was a surgical scalpel and he grimaced as the woman began slicing through the occipital lobe as if it were nothing more than a cooked turkey._

 _She must have seen him in her periphery and lifted her head to meet his gaze, "Can I help you?" Her voice was raspy but pleasant._

" _No," Sheldon spoke, "I was just passing through and noticed your . . ." he cleared his throat and averted his eyes away from the pink-grey brain. There were many tumors he could see within the brain where she had sliced and it looked as though the . . . original owner . . . of the brain had suffered from some sort of disease, "slicing of that brain."_

 _Amy looked down at the brain before bringing her eyes back up to observe him, "You seem disgusted; you must not work in this field."_

" _Lord, no," Sheldon scoffed, "I'm a theoretical physicist. I do real scientific research."_

 _Amy smirked and continued her work on the brain, "That's cute, Doctor Cooper, that you believe you do real scientific research."_

 _Sheldon blinked and cocked an eyebrow. If he weren't so intrigued by her, he'd tell her off. Physics was the superior field of science, and he hated to be told otherwise. Instead, he asked, "How do you know my name?"_

 _Amy shrugged and smiled, "Doesn't everybody here know your name? I heard you're quite difficult and that I should stay away from you."_

* * *

"We hit it off, I suppose you could say . . ." Sheldon finished right as they drove into the parking lot of their apartment complex. Leonard shut off the engine and listened as Sheldon added, "I found her to be fascinating. She's witty, she's knowledgeable, even for a biologist. We became . . ." Sheldon flinched before saying, "friends."

" _Just_ friends?" Leonard inquired, and Sheldon glared at his intonation.

Sheldon opened his passenger door and place one foot outside of the car, "Does it matter?"

Sheldon stared at Leonard as a challenge, to which Leonard accepted. Leonard's sad eyes scanned Sheldon's body, observing his body language. Sheldon knew he wasn't good at hiding what his emotions were. He was stiff in the shoulders, shaken in the fingers. His face read both anger and fear.

Leonard shook his head and continued, "Okay . . . Well. So you guys were friends. What happened after that? What happened to make you feel so . . . cold towards her?"

Sheldon turned away and looked up at the apartment complex, "She left."

"But you knew it was a six-month fellowship, right?"

Sheldon closed his eyes and took another deep breath. When he opened his eyes he answered, "I did."

He stood from the car and shut the door before Leonard was able to ask anything else.

* * *

 **Thank you in advance for your reviews!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: Thank you for your support, and thank you to my co-author and best friend DrummerGirl66!**

* * *

 **Chapter Three**

* * *

After Sheldon and Leonard's conversation in the car, Sheldon had shut himself away in his bedroom and, even when dinner had arrived, hadn't left. As usual, Howard, Raj, Bernadette, and Penny gathered around the coffee table and when Penny asked about Sheldon's whereabouts, Leonard explained, "Sheldon's upset because a woman he had a history with came back after three years. He just bolted as soon as she said his name. It was bizarre."

Penny looked towards the ceiling in thought and said, "So let me get this straight: there is a woman— an _actual woman—_ that Sheldon has a past with. Now she's back and he's being abnormally . . . quiet? What universe am I living in?"

Howard shrugged, "I don't know, but at least he's not lecturing us for once about the history of pepperoni on pizzas," he teased as he popped a fallen pepperoni from his plate into his mouth.

"Come on, Howard. I'm worried about him," Leonard admonished softly, "he went straight to his room and hasn't been out since. Not even when I told him the food was here."

"From what you're saying, he knew she was going to leave Caltech after six months. So why was he so surprised when she did? He knew it was coming." Howard said between bites.

Bernie frowned, "That wouldn't make it any less hurtful. Maybe he asked her to stay?"

"But why?" Howard asked, "I'm sorry, I just have a hard time believing Sheldon had feelings for anyone but himself."

Leonard glared again. He knew Howard and Sheldon weren't the closest of friends, but he found Howard to be taking Sheldon's pain a little too lightheartedly, "All he said was that he and Amy were close. I'm more surprised I never noticed them hanging out together when she was here."

"I don't remember hearing about her either," Penny's eyes squinted as she racked her brain, "so who is this woman, exactly?"

"She was going to be my future lover, but they," Raj glared at Leonard and Howard as he said this, "said I couldn't date her since she and Sheldon had a past."

Howard leaned over to grab another slice of pizza and he nudged Raj's shoulder as he chided, "Again, was never going to happen."

"Her name is Amy Farrah Fowler," Leonard explained, "she's a neurobiologist who seems to have caused Sheldon to have some sort of conniption."

Sheldon sat on his bed, cross-legged with his favorite Spock action figure being fiddled with between his fingers. He was replaying and contemplating the conversations with Leonard in his office and the car. While he would rather forget about it, his brain wouldn't allow it.

" _Were you two close?"_

That question, in particular, was the most persistent. Were he and Amy close? In the span of her fellowship there, they had spent several lunches together and had innumerable conversations about science, both his field and hers. Were they close? Yes, Sheldon surmised, but how close they had become had done a number on him. Three years had passed, and he still felt the pang of disappointment at her leaving. He still felt the anger. He wasn't supposed to feel this way, and that worried him to the point of him squeezing the little _Star Trek_ toy until the plastic hurt his hand.

With a wince, he loosened the figure. ' _Keep yourself under control, Sheldon,'_ he scolded himself. He focused back on the wall in front of him. Amy undoubtedly was just as shaken up by his appearance. He shook his head, of course, he would still be working at Caltech. He didn't leave. Still, the apologetic look in her eyes earlier that day at his office was clear as day in his head. Startlingly, he wasn't just angry at her, but with himself as well. Instead of slamming the door in her face, he should have welcomed her in, let her say what she had to. Perhaps, maybe . . .

He rid his head of the thought. What would it have done? Whatever discussion they could have had would lead to answers he didn't want to hear. Likewise, there would be no explanation of Amy's disappearance that would satisfy him and take the stabbing pain in her head and heart away.

"Ow!" He dropped the miniature Spock on the bed and opened down at his open hand. There were several tiny dents in his palm from the plastic digging in. He needed to do something to occupy his mind, so he grabbed his iPad and did what any distraught scientist would do. He researched. Amy, specifically. With luck, he could find the reason why she's back and wither even more luck, she'd only be at Caltech temporarily.

He went to Google on his search engine and typed out Amy's name in full before adding 'Caltech' and pressed enter. It took some digging around, but he was able to find several accolades as well as her science journals from Harvard, all of which he had already read back when they were amicable. They were spectacular, but that was beside the point. He needed information that he didn't already know.

Unfortunately, the most recent article regarding Amy Farrah Fowler was from nearly two years ago and there was no mention of Caltech whatsoever.

Still, curiosity got the better of him as he began reading her article.

* * *

 _It had only been two hours since Sheldon had run into Amy Farrah Fowler and his mind was a whirl with questions about her. She was new to Caltech, as stated by the shiny new nameplate and the lack of any personal memorabilia, but where was she from initially. Was she from California, a transfer from UCLA or Berkeley, or had she moved her. She was upfront and unabashed to tell him that his field of study was "cute." Which, how dare she?! Physics was anything but cute, and in stating so, Sheldon felt like he needed to have the upper hand against her._

 _He paced his office much like the great Sherlock Holmes when he was confronted with a great mystery and much like the fictional detective, he was determined to know more. He sat at his desk, unlocked his computer and began his search._

 _The first thing he came across was one of her articles in the Neuron magazine and he skimmed it at first to see if there was a small biography about her at the bottom, and there was. She graduated_ summa cum laude _from Harvard, and like Sheldon with Caltech, began working at Harvard after she was awarded her doctorate. She's currently studying addiction and its impact on the brain._

 _Interesting. That explains why she was handling a brain with the ease of holding a kitten._

 _He went back to Google's search results and clicked on one of her first scientific journals, published publicly. Again, Sheldon was mainly looking for more information about this woman and yet he was three paragraphs into her paper and found himself fascinated by the subject. Her writing was impeccable and unlike most of the fools working for Caltech, she was concise and undeniably educated._

" _Sheldon?" He was stirred from his reading by Leonard, who was poking his head out into his office, "you ready for lunch?"_

" _Hm?" The question confused him for a second before he glanced at his clock and shook his head clear, "Oh, yes." He stood from his desk but didn't leave until he finished the paragraph he had been reading._

 _Sheldon couldn't stop thinking about Amy Farrah Fowler's paper as he waited in line to get his food. He had only scratched the surface of that science journal and for some strange reason, he had to read more. She was so remarkable, he found he didn't care that it was about neurobiology. He just wanted more of her writing style. Once he finally got his food and began following Leonard to their usual table, he stopped mid-stride. The need to read was overpowering._

" _Leonard," he began and Leonard turned to look at him, "I have some more work to do. I'll be eating in my office."_

 _Leonard frowned, but nodded, "Okay, buddy. See you after work." He, Howard, and Raj wouldn't miss him for one day._

 _Sheldon rarely ate in his office, but he made an exception and turned to quickly walk back to his office. Walking back to his office, Sheldon cut through the biology department, a short-cut he rarely took as the smell of monkeys and formaldehyde always made him queasy. Perhaps he could catch another glance of Doctor Fowler._

 _Turning the corner and walking towards her office, he was in luck. She was still there and eating at her desk while scrolling through her phone. She was now sans white lab coat and was wearing a long-sleeved button-up shirt with a green sweater. Her hair was down and was just below her shoulders._

 _He must have been staring because Amy frowned before raising her head and turning towards him. She must have sensed his presence._

" _Doctor Cooper," she greeted, her frown curving up into a soft smile. She set down her apple slice and rubbed the juice from her fingers on her denim skirt._

" _Oh," he blushed, "My apologies for disturbing you. I was just…" he struggled to think of what to say, "passing by." He finished in a hurry._

 _Amy waved her hand dismissively, "No bother at all." Her eyes moved down to see the lunch tray in his hands, "care to join me?"_

 _Sheldon's eyes narrowed, "I thought I was to be avoided."_

 _She only shrugged and her smile widened to show pristine teeth, "I'll risk it."_

* * *

Sheldon nearly dropped his iPad when there was a knock on his door. "Buddy, it's me." Leonard, "I just wanted to bring you some dinner."

"I'm not . . ." Sheldon stopped himself. Leonard was just being nice and if he were honest with himself, he was feeling famished. He grunted moving his stiff muscles and slowly got off of his bed to answer the door. As soon as he opened it, his mouth salivated from the delicious smell of the pizza Leonard was holding. He took the plate and nodded, "thank you."

He was just about to shut the door again when Leonard's hand came to rest against it, "I know you don't want to talk about it, but I've never seen you act like this. Not over a woman, at least. I'm just worried about you, is all." Sheldon said nothing, "Can I come in?"

Sheldon gulped and moved aside to let him in, "Very well."

Once Leonard was in his room, he shut the door for added privacy. The last thing he wanted was more fodder for the gaggle of gossips in the living room.

"Three years ago," Leonard began, "you met this mysterious woman, who I had _no_ idea about . . . And now she's back."

Sheldon sat at the edge of his bed and took a bite of his pepperoni pizza. He had barely eaten any lunch— especially not after seeing Amy— and as much as he wanted to enjoy his pizza to his full extent, his dinner was soured by Leonard, "Sounds like you got the gist of it."

Sheldon took another bite as Leonard continued, "How you managed to compile a relationship with someone who left such a profound effect on you is beyond me," he shook his head, "but regardless, it's obvious that you're upset now that she's back. So I'm taking it that even though you knew her fellowship was only six months, you thought she was going to stay."

Sheldon looked down at his half-eaten slice of pizza, "I was a fool to think she would, in all honesty."

"Listen, Sheldon," Leonard's voice was softer as he sat down beside him, "I don't know what transpired between the two of you, but maybe you should talk to her."

Sheldon scoffed and snorted, "As if I hadn't thought of that, Leonard, but . . ." His voice lowered and he all but whispered, "I don't know if I can. I'll just get angry and probably say something I don't mean."

"Yeah, you tend to do that," Leonard teased as he patted Sheldon's shoulder, "but I understand. It might be something to consider when you calm down, though."

Sheldon nodded and took his pizza slice in his hand. Maybe talking to Amy was a good idea, but doing so right now, or even in the near future, was too much to ask of him. Still, it was something to mull over, "Thank you, Leonard."

* * *

 **Thank you in advance for your reviews! Until next update, loves!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: Thank you for your support, and thank you to my co-author and best friend DrummerGirl66! This story was a collaborative effort, so if you could, leave her a message!**

* * *

 **Chapter Four**

* * *

Amy had been trying to get Sheldon out of her head since she had confronted him nearly a week ago. However, she was learning it was impossible. When she first moved back to Los Angeles as a permanent resident, she thought three years time would have made him open to communication. The door in her face proved otherwise.

She shook her head. Maybe it was too soon after laying eyes on each other. She knew Sheldon was a fickle man and didn't adjust well to change. Her appearance must have been a shock to his system. No matter, she thought with a sigh. The ball was now in his court. She tried to talk to him and nearly got her nose broken by a door.

Walking back to her office after her first meeting with the head of her department, she laid eyes a short, nervous-looking man walking in her direction. He was wearing glasses, and his hair was messily slicked back with hair gel. He, also, caught sight of her and began to walk faster to the elevator, to which she was also heading. He got there first and disappeared as the elevator door opened for him and she quickened her pace. Caltech may have been state-of-the-art, but their elevators were older than her degree. She placed her arm between the door just as they were about to close and hopped in.

A closer look at the man, she recognized him. He was at the table with Sheldon that day when he ran back to his office in hiding, "What floor?" He asked. His voice was timid and he was avoiding her eye.

"Same floor as you." The elevator doors closed and they began their slow, awkward descent.

After a few floors had passed them, the man cleared his throat, "You're Doctor Fowler, right?"

Amy gulped and nodded, flashing him a fake smile, "I am." She took a deep breath. She wondered how much Sheldon had told him about her if anything at all. Sheldon was a secretive person, but who knows what he'd say in a fit of outrage, "and you are?"

"Doctor Leonard Hofstadter," he said and offered his hand to her. They shook and she repeated the name. She remembered Sheldon talking about him, and remembered that he was high-maintenance, "I'm also. . . um, Sheldon's roommate." She had forgotten about that particular fact.

Amy's fake smile disappeared, "O-oh, I see."

"I'm not trying to pry, but-"

"It seems like you are," Amy muttered as she crossed her arms.

"I know but," at least he had the decency to be honest, "it's clear you had an impact on Sheldon. He doesn't get close to people very often, especially not women, and-"

"Trust me, Doctor Hofstadter, I know," Amy said with a soft, yet hurting smile. She took a shaky breath and smoothed down invisible wrinkles on her shirt, "Sheldon was, and still is, very special to me… and…" she felt the sting of tears in her eyes. She knew that he was special to her three years ago, but now? She found that he was still very much embedded in her heart.

"I can tell you two had something complex, and meaningful. He's never acted like this before and—"

The elevator dinged as it reached their floor, and as soon as the doors opened, Amy stepped out in a hurry. Her eyes were now filled with tears, and she hid her face as she whispered, "It was nice speaking to you, Doctor Hofstadter."

Before he had time to speak, she practically ran to her office and shut the door right as the first tear fell.

* * *

 _It had become a tradition in their short two months knowing each other that every Wednesday lunch was spent in Amy's lab. Amy at her desk, and Sheldon across from her. Together, they typically played counterfactuals— a game Sheldon had made up— or talked about the latest findings in their respective fields. Today, however, they made small talk with ease. First, Sheldon was ranting about his roommate, Leonard and the fact that Leonard was back together with Penny. He didn't bother describing her, but he did mention that she went to community college and has yet to get her degree. Poor girl._

" _And do you see why I'm upset?"_

" _Of course, you're upset because their frequent sexual intercourse is interfering with your sleep schedule," Amy summarized._

" _Exactly! And they can't seem to understand that I require exactly seven hours and 48 minutes of sleep or I'll wake up cranky."_

 _Amy hummed empathetically, "You don't seem too cranky."_

 _Sheldon gave her a soft smile, "Thank you… I noticed Doctor Bert Kibbler in here earlier. From the geology department."_

" _Oh," Amy beamed, "Yes. He was. He asked me out to lunch with him." She whispered as if she were telling a scandal._

 _Sheldon frowned, "And you chose not to?"_

 _Amy shrugged and took a bite of her burger before swallowing and answering, "If I had agreed, I wouldn't be eating here with you."_

 _Sheldon smiled as if he were relieved, "And I am a much more interesting lunch companion than one of those rock monkeys."_

 _Amy nodded in agreement and then they both continued to eat in comfortable silence until Sheldon asked, "Was he… asking you in a romantic setting?"_

 _Amy's nose wrinkled, "I don't think so, I don't have any interest in anything romantic, lunch or otherwise."_

" _Neither do I!" Sheldon beamed at her, the way he always did when there was something else in common between them, "Finally, someone understands."_

" _Of course I understand," Amy said, "romance is seen as a necessity when it's nothing more than a time-waster. Who has time for such trivial things?"_

" _99 percent of the population, but I'm glad you and I are of the lucky 1 percent who are free of such nonsense."_

* * *

"Such nonsense, indeed," Amy muttered to herself with a chuckle as she used her fingers to wipe away the tears now staining her face. She walked over to the sink at the far end of her lab, removed her glasses and splashed cold water on her red face.

She needed to talk to Sheldon. It was killing her to have so much left unsaid between them. Putting her glasses back on after drying her face with several paper towels, she looked into the small mirror above the sink. The only issue was that Sheldon had nothing to say to her, at least that what he stated. Amy, however, didn't believe him. With a six month history, and three years apart, he had to be mad, upset, confused. He had to feel something, he wasn't the robot he claimed to be.

"Just talk to him," she told her reflection, "the worse thing that'll happen is that he doesn't want anything to do with me."

The was what she feared though. She at least wanted to be friends again. He was, three years ago and now, her only friend. The least she should do was reconcile their friendship.

It took eleven more minutes of talking herself up before she had the confidence to leave her office and march straight to the physics department just around the corner. When she reached his office, she heard his voice through the closed door as he talked to himself. He once told her that speaking out loud was the easiest way for him to get numbers and equations straight in his mind.

She took a deep breath and raised her hand before lowering it and twisting around away from the door, almost giving up before she grounded herself and turned back. With a delicate, shaking hand, she knocked and was glad that the office doors didn't come with peepholes. He certainly wouldn't answer if he knew she was the one calling on him.

When the door opened, his face changed from curious annoyance to anger and exhaustion, before he had time to tell her off— as she knew he was going to— she practically pushed her way in as she declared, "I know you have nothing to say to me, but I have some things I need to say to you."

"And what makes you think I want to listen?" Sheldon challenged with a snarl. He kept his door open, letting her know she wasn't welcome but Amy didn't care. She needed to get what was on her mind out in the open.

"I know you have questions, Sheldon."

He sighed and finally shut the door, but kept as far away from her as he was able, "I believe you answered all those answers quite well when you left, and that's all I ever needed to know."

"You're probably wondering why I'm back, and I know you're mad and confused and—"

"I don't care why you're back!" His voice echoed through the room and she stood there, frozen, "Why should I? You didn't care enough about me to stay the first time!"

"I _did_ care about you!" Amy shouted back before she shrank away and played with a stray piece of yarn from her olive green cardigan, "I still do . . ."

"Well forgive me for having a hard time believing that," Sheldon's voice was barely a whisper, his anger dissipating as quickly as her own, "So if you're here out of pity, or to make me feel better about what happened between us, don't bother."

Amy took a couple of steps back and frowned, shaking her head. No, that wasn't it at all. She didn't pity him, she didn't want to coddle him. She merely wanted to repair them, to wash her hands of the guilt she felt. Instead, hearing Sheldon say such a thing made her guilt so intense it hurt. She looked to the shut door and considered leaving, but she planted her feet firm. Amy needed to say her peace.

"It was a mistake coming to you so soon after seeing each other again," Amy murmured, "but there are just three things I need you to know, so here it goes . . ."

Sheldon waited, arms crossed and blue eyes narrowed in anger. Amy could see there were tears there that he was too strong to let free.

"I regret leaving," Amy began, "I've regretted it every day ever since. And right now, I can't explain to you why I did leave because our emotions are rampant . . . But just know that I do regret leaving after what happened between us."

Sheldon didn't respond, he only stared with a gaze so sharp it cut straight through her.

"The second thing is that I'm here to stay. I accepted a permanent position, and I'm not going anywhere, and the last thing is that. . ." She took a deep breath and felt her tears come in hot, and there was no blinking them away, "I still love you." Sheldon straightened his back, but his lips remained sealed. This time, he looked away and focused instead on his desk, "I have never stopped loving you, not for a single moment; and I realize now that I don't think I'll ever stop."

With all of Amy's courage gone in those three words, she bolted. She opened the door to his office and ran back to her own. There was no waiting for him to respond because she was afraid of what he'd say. After what she did, he most likely didn't love her. Not anymore, anyway.

When she returned to her laboratory, she slammed the door and let her tears fall freely. Sobs shook her chest and she covered her mouth with her hands to muffle the sound. She meant every word she said. Amy regretted leaving. She regretted getting on that plane back to Harvard. When she found a full-time position open up at Caltech in her field, she jumped at the opportunity because, deep down, she hoped she could mend what she had broken. And most importantly, she still loved Sheldon. She was hopelessly enamored with him, and she feared that she always would be.

When her tears ran dry, she stood straighter and sniffled. For Sheldon's sake and her own, she decided to give him a few days, and Amy hoped that he would want to talk with her again in time. Sheldon was stubborn by nature, so Amy knew early on that she shouldn't get her hopes up.

* * *

 **Thank you in advance for your reviews!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

* * *

Alone in his office, Sheldon's arms fell to his side and he leaned back against his solid wood desk to steady himself. He knees shook from under him and his heart pounded so hard he heard his blood coursing through his ears. He was utterly shell-shocked to hear what had come out of Amy's mouth.

She loved him. _Still_ loved him.

He didn't believe it, how could he? Amy was the one who left, who ripped his heart out and broke it in two. He was still, he found to this day, picking up those shattered pieces. He shook his head and fisted his hands in frustration. He hated being like this, so emotional. Everything was perfectly fine when he didn't care about anything other than his beloved science…

"That doesn't make any sense," Sheldon muttered to no one but himself as he finished processing what had happened moments before. She didn't love him as much as he loved her. Still loved her. It was the only logical conclusion. She left. Hence, she didn't love him enough to stay.

He'd never leave her if he were in Amy's position. He would have found a way to make it work. He'd try to become a permanent hire, or apply for a job at another local university. But the fact of the matter was he would _stay_. Something Amy didn't bother attempting or considering.

He loved her enough to do that. He still loved her, he found himself thinking.

If she loved him, she wouldn't have progressed things in their relationship if it meant hurting him in the end… She wouldn't have seduced him with science and debates and trips to the library, the zoo, the cafe if it meant saying goodbye…

* * *

" _So what are your plans this weekend?" Amy asked him as she took a bite of her food. They were in his office during their weekly lunch together, an event Sheldon looked forward to every Wednesday. They had just finished talking about their work, and even though Amy was a biologist, he found these discussions outright titillating._

 _Sheldon shrugged, "Besides organizing the medicine cabinet and watching Doctor Who on Sunday morning like I usually do, I don't have anything extraordinary planned."_

" _I was thinking of taking a trip to the library on Saturday," Amy announced with a soft smile, "the one in downtown L.A."_

" _Oh, I do love libraries." Sheldon said, matching Amy's smile with his own as he remembered the numerous weekend visits to the library as a child, "ever since I was a child, I could spend hours there reading books about physics."_

" _Would you like to join me?"_

" _I'd love to." The question didn't need time for thought. He enjoyed spending time with Amy, more than he ever thought he would. She was still a human, and he generally disliked the company of others. But Amy was different. He loved peering into her brain and debating about this theory and that equation and whatever else popped up in the news of science. They didn't agree on everything, but Amy's opinion was as valued as his own. He respected her, and she respected him._

 _He already looked forward to that day with her outside of work._

" _Great," Amy beamed, and it was enough to make Sheldon's heart flutter to see her eyes alight, "it's a date."_

* * *

Three soft raps on his door woke him from his reverie, "Sheldon, you doing okay, Buddy? We didn't see you at lunch." Leonard opened the door and peered inside.

Sheldon sighed and ran his hand down his face, "I'm fine," he answered, though he was anything but.

"Okay, just checking." Leonard moved to close the door, but Sheldon stopped him. As much as he wanted to figure this out himself, he knew Leonard— being more experienced when it came to women and their perplexing ways— would be an invaluable asset.

"Leonard wait," the shorter man froze and opened the door wider, "could we talk for a few moments?"

"Sure… sure," he stepped inside and shut the door behind him, "is this about Amy?"

Sheldon bit his lower lip as he nodded, "Yes, that woman haunts me, Leonard."

"I spoke to her, actually," Leonard answered and Sheldon's stomach twisted.

"And?" His voice cracked as if he were a teenager.

"Not much was said, but," he paused, "she did say you were very special to her."

Sheldon groaned and covered his face with both of his hands. Amy's confession echoed in his head and Leonard's conversation with her certainly didn't help

"I'm assuming that doesn't make you feel any better," Leonard said with a wince.

"I'm just…" Sheldon removed his hands and looked at his best friend with bloodshot eyes, "I'm just confused."

"If I'm being honest here, buddy, I am too." Leonard crossed his arms, "This whole situation with you two is kind of shocking, to say the least. I never thought you'd be so… so affected by someone like this. But if you want me to help you, I'm gonna need a bit more context than you have been giving me.

"I'm sure it's difficult to share details of something that has impacted you so deeply, but I need you to help me to help you. Understand?" Leonard gave Sheldon a stern, brotherly look that spoke more volumes to him than the words he spoke and Sheldon nodded.

"Of course."

"Good," Leonard sighed through his nose, "so let's start with what is confusing you."

"Everything," Sheldon started, "What Amy told you, that I'm special to her. I'm not so special if she up and left me for three years without so much as a goodbye."

Leonard nodded, "It sounds to me she regrets leaving, I'm sure that's why she's back."

Sheldon knew as much, Amy had said it herself. However, Sheldon didn't believe it.

"If she regretted it, she'd have returned sooner than now. Or at the very least contact me. She's been away for a long time, Leonard. And then she comes in here and…" He stopped himself. Something caught in his throat and he attempted to clear it but failed. The confession still rattled him.

" _I still love you."_

"And what? What'd she say?" Leonard coaxed.

"That she still loves me," Sheldon forced out. Leonard's jaw dropped and he quickly closed it.

"Wow," Leonard managed, "this is more serious than I thought. This is… this was more than a fling. You were in love with her, too."

Sheldon stayed silent and let Leonard draw his own conclusion.

"Oh," Leonard straightened his back, "you still are."

"Would I be driving myself mad like this if I wasn't?" Sheldon asked with a glare before it melted away to show the true anguish in his features. He looked older than he truly was, "I've tried turning it off, Leonard, in so many ways. I've distracted myself with work, I've rid myself of everything that could remind me of her. I even made Penny switch perfumes when she started wearing the same one Amy wore."

Leonard remembered those two weeks of constant bickering between him and his girlfriend about that perfume. Sheldon never gave a reason other than he hated change when he just didn't want to be reminded of the woman who hurt him, "Well, that explains what happened six months ago."

Sheldon continued with a strained voice, "It never worked, I could be fine for a couple of months, and then something small would happen. Something that would bring the image of her to my mind, and it washed over me all over again. I've been so angry at myself because I thought I was above all this, but I'm no better than anyone else when it comes to this— to love. And this pain just never seems to go away."

Leonard stepped forward and placed a steady hand on Sheldon's shoulder. Usually not one for any displays of affection, Sheldon welcomed his friend's warm hand on him. He needed the comfort, "I wish you would have told me you were going through this. I could have helped you."

Sheldon shook his head in defeat and gave his friend the faintest of smiles, "I felt like no one could help me. And now that she's back, I feel even more helpless."

Leonard removed his hand, "Okay, I understand you met at the university. I know you became friends because you're both geniuses and had a distaste for romantic relationships. So, how did it go beyond that?"

Sheldon let out a soft half-sigh-half-laugh, "I think that when I started enjoying spending time with her more than I enjoyed being alone, I knew I was in trouble."

"I know you're your favorite company," Leonard said with a small smile.

"Of course I am, I'm riveting," Sheldon said with confidence before his voice fell, "but… I started missing her when she wasn't around, and our communication when to a text or two a day, to trying to figure out how soon we could see each other again."

* * *

" _ **Are you still coming over tonight?"**_ _Sheldon texted Amy, his leg bouncing rapidly as he waited for a reply. Leonard would be at Penny's apartment that night and Sheldon and Amy took every opportunity they could to spend time together. Usually, he'd hate being alone in the apartment at night, but lately, he's been hoping for nights alone like that so he could invite Amy over for dinner._

 _Amy's reply came quickly, and Sheldon smiled to himself,_ _ **"Of course. With how much we've been making dinner together lately, I should start leaving groceries at your apartment."**_

" _ **I would have no issue with that. Your cooking is exquisite."**_

 _Amy responded almost immediately,_ _ **"And you haven't even tried my baking yet."**_

 _Sheldon raised his eyebrows and licked his lips at the thought. He had a quite the sweet tooth,_ _ **"Would you have a problem with baking cookies after dinner?"**_

" _ **Not at all, Doctor Cooper."**_

 _After work, Sheldon met Leonard at his office. He was both anxious and excited about the night with Amy, but first, he had to make sure that Leonard would still be absent. Once they were outside and on their way to the car, Sheldon looked at him inquisitively, "Leonard, will you still be at Penny's tonight?_

" _Yep," Leonard answered as he looked at his phone._

 _Sheldon Licked his lips, "... All night?"_

" _Yes Sheldon," he replied with a sigh, "all night."_

 _Sheldon nodded, "Excellent…" He breathed a sigh of relief. Good, he would have the apartment to himself. Perhaps, if Amy stayed too late, she could stay the night instead of driving back to her rental late at night…_

 _The thought alone made Sheldon freeze in his place. Amy spending the night? Strangely, the idea wasn't abhorrent to him…_

" _You okay, Sheldon?" Leonard asked, turning around to face him._

 _Sheldon blinked away the thought and nodded as he continued to walk, "Yes, of course."_

 _Sheldon reached for his phone and quickly tapped out a text to Amy,_ _ **"My roommate will be gone all night. What do you think about turning this into a sleepover of sorts?"**_

 _He took a deep breath before pressing the send button. As they made it to the car, Sheldon was beginning to question whether or not it was a good idea. He liked Amy's company, but he had never had the opposite sex over before._

 _Minutes felt like hours as he waited for a reply, which he didn't get until he and Leonard arrived home._

" _ **Can we build a fort?"**_

 _Sheldon beamed and let out a soft laugh that got Leonard's attention. He looked at him strangely, but Sheldon didn't mind, he was just looking forward to later._

* * *

Sheldon stared out into space, ignoring his friend who was right in front of him. He loved Amy. He remembered in detail how he fell in love with her. Everything from the day they met, to the day he realized that what he was feeling could only be described as love. A text would make his heart flutter, her smile would make his entire day. He missed her so much, he missed being close with her, and yet he was so enraged and shook up that the very thought made him nauseous.

"Sheldon?" Leonard snapped his fingers in front of Sheldon's face.

"Hm?" Sheldon blinked rapidly and looked down at his friend, "Sorry. I just miss her, Leonard. And yet I'm so angry that I don't want to see her."

"I understand," Leonard said, "but eventually your emotions are going to catch up with you, and avoiding her will no longer be an option."

That's what he was afraid of. He was barely holding on as it was. If he were to allow his emotions to take over, there was no telling what would happen to him.

"I know."

* * *

 **Thank you in advance for your reviews!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

* * *

 _Amy woke up with the sun shining in her eyes. She turned with a groan and rubbed at her tired eyes. Fluttering them open, her eyes landed on Sheldon's handsome face._

 _He was laying beside her, and instead of the glares she had gotten, the sadness in his eyes, the stress in his mouth, she found him perfectly content with a soft smile playing on his lips. The edges of his bright eyes had crow's feet that would be more apparent with age and his hair was mussed from sleep. The sight made her smile back. He was art itself._

 _A Sheldon from three years ago._

 _A Sheldon she wished she never lost…_

 _She reached her hand out to touch him and grazed his skin—_

Amy's eyes shot open and she sat up with a start. She reached for her phone and checked the time. She groaned when she found it was only two in the morning. This wasn't the first time she had dreamed of Sheldon since she had come back to California, and she feared it wouldn't be the last. The dreams were the same, her waking up in bed with him, their hair a mess, with smiles on their faces. It always ended the same way, too. Her reaching out to touch him, but never succeeding.

She sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Oh, she'd give anything to touch him again, anything to just talk to him, to see that smile once more. She had said her peace, confessed her love and left before he had said his. She was terrified to hear what he would have to say. He possibly even hated her and she wouldn't blame him.

Standing from the bed, Amy went to the kitchen and grabbed herself a glass for water. She filled it from the tap and took a sip. She had seen that smile from her dream before when she and Sheldon had spent the night with each other. She smiled as she took another sip. She missed the fort they would make every time she stayed over, the scent of the pillows and the warm glow of the lights above them.

She missed a lot.

* * *

 _Amy giggled as they sat down on the floor within the fort they had built. There were twinkling Christmas lights strung up above them, a small physics library in the corner, and a menagerie of blankets and pillows strewn about giving the space a comfortable and warm feeling. It was perfect. This wasn't the first time they had built a fort in Sheldon's living room; it had become a tradition of theirs much like their Wednesday lunches and their Saturday trips to the library._

 _"Is it weird that I look forward to this every week?" Amy asked as she grabbed a pillow and placed it underneath her head and laid back. If she were being honest, she was joking the first time she mentioned building a fort, but when she arrived, she found Sheldon had already collected numerous sheets and blankets. She couldn't possibly say no to him after that, and it was fun to build a fort together. It was something Amy always wanted to do but never had the chance as a child._

 _"Not at all," Sheldon assured as he laid down beside her, "I look forward to it as well. I look forward to any time I get to see you."_

 _Amy smiled and turned to face him, "You're my best friend, you know that?"_

 _"And you're mine," Sheldon returned as she turned towards her and scooted closer, "it's interesting that with such little time, we've become so close."_

 _"I know," Amy scooted close to him, "I've never met anyone I feel as close to as I do you."_

 _There was barely an inch between them now. She could smell talc on him that mixed with his body wash. She looked from his eyes and down towards his lips. She found herself wanting to kiss him, which shocked and thrilled her. She had never wanted to kiss anyone before, but there was something about Sheldon, about the setting. It was so intimate. She restrained herself, though. Amy didn't want to scare him off, but the urge was so strong that Amy struggled to look away from his plump lips._

 _"I feel close to you, too," Sheldon whispered and she looked back up to gaze into his eyes to find that he was staring back at her. They both leaned in._

 _Their kiss was soft, barely registering between them, but it spoke volumes between them. Amy felt chills run up and down her spine as warmth filled her. She was on cloud nine and pressed her lips harder against his to savor him._

 _When they finally pulled away, Amy opened her mouth to apologize, but couldn't. She couldn't apologize for something she enjoyed, for something Sheldon did, too. Instead, she smiled bashfully at him._

 _"I want to do that again," Sheldon whispered to her before leaning back in._

* * *

Amy blushed at the thought. That kiss started so much. It was a domino effect. One kiss turned into two. Two kisses turned into cuddling. Cuddling turned into full-blown make-out sessions during their lunches together. Passionate kisses that absorbed their entire lunch hour. She still remembered the taste of him, of mint and chocolate and the essence of rain.

It happened so quickly after that one little kiss. It was so innocent and quick and yet it led to a night of passion and—

"Ah!" Amy jumped as she heard her phone ring beside her. She grabbed it and was about to silence the call when she read 'Sheldon Cooper.' Her eyes widened to the size of saucers. Did he keep her number after all that time? She held her phone and stared at the flashing screen. She wanted to answer him, but she was scared. Why would he be calling at such a late hour? It must've been important if he was calling her at all.

Before the call went to voicemail, Amy answered and pressed the phone to her ear, "H-hello?"

There was silence on the other end and Amy frowned, "Sheldon? Are you there?"

After what felt like an eternity, he finally spoke, "I need to see you."

"What?"

"I need to see you," Sheldon repeated, his voice even more desperate sounding than before.

"Oh, um… okay." Amy didn't know what to say.

"Can I… Can I come over?" Sheldon asked, "Please?"

"Yes!" Amy answered too quickly and she winced at herself, "I mean, of course, you can, Sheldon."

She heard him sigh through the phone, "Where are you staying?"

She gave him her address and said, "This is where I'm staying… permanently." She added as if reminding him that she wasn't going anywhere this time.

"I'll be there soon," Sheldon said and hung up. Amy set down her phone and suddenly, the panic set in.

Sheldon was coming. Here, to her apartment.

While she was confident that nothing would happen between them, she ran into the bathroom to freshen up. She at least wanted to be presentable to him. Her hair was a mess, and she quickly combed through it before putting some lotion on her arms and legs. There were dark circles under her eyes, but there was nothing she could do about that. She sprayed some perfume on her neck before running into her bedroom and getting dressed into a blue denim skirt and her favorite green cardigan.

By the time she buttoned up her cardigan, there was a knock at her door. She couldn't help but feel a little excited about him being there. While she wished it was during better circumstances, Sheldon wanted to see her and wanted to speak with her. It was the best news she had gotten all week. She went to the door and opened it to find Sheldon brooding, his eyes full of turmoil and his mouth set in a deep frown. Unlike Amy, he didn't bother to comb his hair.

"Sheldon," Amy crossed her arms. She couldn't help but feel bitter, "when you said you wanted to see me, I didn't expect you to be so disgusted to be here."

"I'm not disgusted, I'm just—"

"Do you even want to be here?" Amy's voice nearly came out as a growl, "What is this? I understand you're angry but I don't want you coming to me in the middle of the night just to yell at—"

Suddenly, Sheldon reached out to her, grabbed her face with both of his hands and kissed her so hard their teeth collided through their lips. It took Amy seconds to realize what had happened and while her first instinct was to pull away, she couldn't. She was in an unbreakable trance.

His tongue teased at her lips until she opened for him and deepened their kiss. Her hands went up to grip his biceps and she moaned against him as he moved his hands from her head to her hips. He stepped forward, leading her backward inside of the apartment until he was inside and he kicked the door shut. He then continued leading her until her back was pressed against the door.

Amy soon found that this kiss wasn't like their previous kisses. This was angry, demanding and desperate. There was no softness to it, and it wasn't gentle. She wanted more of it, wanted more of him. She pulled him closer until they were pressed flush against each other. Amy could feel his arousal pressing against her thigh, which only fueled her own fire deep inside of her.

When Sheldon broke the kiss, his eyes asked the question she wanted and she could only nod in response. He growled before giving her a quick kiss and surprising her by lifting her up into the air. She screamed and wrapped her legs around him as he carried her towards the bedroom. What was about to happen, much like their kiss, wasn't going to be like all those other times before. This wasn't going to be passionate and gentle.

This wasn't going to be like the other times they made love.

* * *

 **Thank you in advance for your reviews, loves!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: Thank you for your continued support! Please note the rating change, we are entering smut-ville.**

 **And another thank you to my bestie. This story wouldn't be possible without her!**

* * *

 **Chapter Seven**

* * *

Once in the bedroom, Sheldon placed Amy on the bed and crawled over her with a feral expression that made Amy's heart skip a beat. The look in his eyes was nothing she had ever seen from him before. Intense, powerful… near dominant. She had only known Sheldon to be slow and gentle in bed, much like their first time together. A night of tender exploration between two people who were eager to express their love in a new way. This would be nothing like that, and Amy found that she was entirely okay with that. She ached for whatever Sheldon was about to give her.

His mouth found hers and immediately deepened the kiss. There was an angry and desperate energy in their kiss that passed through Sheldon and coursed through Amy, making her just as frenzied as he was.

Amy's hands quickly found the hems of his two shirts and roughly pulled them off, breaking their kiss. Sheldon growled as his lips sought out her neck, kissing and sucking there before biting hard enough to make Amy gasp in pleasure and pain.

His hands worked the buttons of her cardigan with ease and Amy struggled to keep up. Once that and her blouse were off, she was only in her bra. One hand cupped her breast and squeezed while the other hand fisted in her hair and tilted her head back so he could run his tongue down her neck and to her collarbone.

Amy's hands reached for his pants, struggling to unbuckle his belt before it finally loosened. She undid the button of his pants and Sheldon helped by kicking them off. He was completely hard for her and Amy couldn't fight the urge to reach out and caress her fingers over the bulge in his briefs. He moaned in her ear, "Amy…"

Shivers ran through her body, and her body was enveloped in warmth. She hadn't heard him moan her name since… She shook her head, she wasn't going to think about that. Once he was free of his pants, Sheldon loosened the button and lowered the zipper of her skirt and roughly pushed it down her legs, leaving her only in her bra and panties.

She sat up slightly to remove her bra and once she tore the fabric away, Sheldon went directly towards her nipple and sealed his mouth around her. Amy moaned and held his head there and she moaned, "Oh S-Sheldon, y-yes."

His hand found her other breast and squeezed it, his forefinger and thumb pinching her hardened bud gently. Her body reacted perfectly to him as if she was only for him, and Sheldon for her. She had never felt this way with other men before— and she had tried dating after Sheldon— but to no avail. And now, with how rough he was being, how desperate his kisses were, she was a goner. There was no fighting the intensity of whatever this was. This wasn't love making, this wasn't just sex. It was something else entirely, and whatever it was, Amy was helpless against it.

Sheldon pulled away, making Amy whimper before he removed his briefs, completely exposing himself to her. Amy looked down and licked her lips. He was so beautiful. He must've known what she wanted because he hooked his thumbs through the waistband of her panties and slid them off before using his finger to tease at her clit.

"Yes…" Amy whimpered, "oh god, yes, Sheldon."

She caught a glimpse of a mischievous grin playing on his lips as he slid a finger inside of her and curled it, hitting a spot that made Amy's back arch.

"You want this?" Sheldon asked as he drew his finger out and grasped his erection.

"Yes! P-please," Amy pleaded. She spread her legs for him, desperate. Luckily, Sheldon wasted no time and hovered over her before sliding inside of her. Amy's eyes fluttered shut at the sensation and Sheldon moaned in her ear. It has been far, far too long since they've been like this.

However, Sheldon wasn't going to be gentle. He began moving hard and fast as his hands grabbed her wrists and pinned them above her head. It made Amy's eyes roll back and she screamed his name in pleasure. All the emotion trapped inside him was unleashed. His lips found hers and the kiss was just as rough and impassioned, telling her of his frustration, of his hurt.

Already, Amy could feel her orgasm building. She was in a state of euphoria. Sheldon leaned down and kissed her again, moving against her lips as he caught her lower lip between his teeth and bit down. Amy shivered and wrapped her legs around his legs, drawing him deeper into her and cause Sheldon to gasp in pleasure before pounding into her as fast as he could.

"S-Sheldon! Don't stop! Please!" Amy begged as she moved her hips in time with him. She felt as though she were dreaming. Just hours ago, she had declared her love for Sheldon and now, he was deep inside of her, pleasuring her and making her scream. She was shaking in pleasure as he moved, it was almost too much, she was too close.

"Sheldon, I-I…"

"Come for me, Amy," Sheldon groaned in her ear as he let go of her wrists. He moved one hand between them and as soon as his finger grazed her clitoris, she was sent over the edge. She tightened her legs around him and, with her hands free, she clung to him like a koala as her orgasm coursed through her, making her vision blur, and her skin flush red. She felt Sheldon throbbing inside of her as his own climax hit him and he moaned her name in her ear, making her melt to the sheets.

They laid there panting and shaking together as Sheldon slowed to a stop. His thighs quivered against her and Amy felt herself go limp underneath him. Neither of them spoke for a few moments, only the sounds of their heavy breathing filling the room. Eventually, her grip loosened and her arms fell to her sides. Sheldon withdrew himself and rolled next to Amy.

As soon as Sheldon's breathing slowed, he spoke, "I'm sorry, I-I shouldn't have—"

"Sheldon, it's okay," Amy soothed, "it's okay… I wanted it…" He must have known that. Hadn't she made it perfectly clear? She wasn't sure if she ever wanted him more than she did at that moment. Still, the uneasiness in his voice saddened her. She feared he was experiencing instant regret.

He shook his head against her pillow, "That was nothing like it used to be."

"There were a lot of different emotions this time."

He sat up hastily, "I should go," but before he was able to leave, Amy grabbed hold of his arm.

"Sheldon, please, we need to talk… now more than ever. You can't leave after what we just did." Amy said. She was still flushed from her orgasm and she looked down shyly.

She heard Sheldon sigh and he adjusted himself in bed and covered up his penis with the sheets, "Fine. Let's talk."

She sat up straighter and turned to look at him, "Why did you come here?"

He glared at her, but it was clear he was too tired to fight as he answered, "Because ever since you came back, you've taken over my thoughts." The coldness in his tone indicated that she should not feel flattered by that statement. Still, she pressed on.

"Did you plan to have sex?" Amy tried not to sound hurt as she spoke. She was afraid of the answer, even if she believed Sheldon would never use her for sex. She had no idea what to expect after the way she left things with him. Anything was possible.

"No," she felt herself relax, "not in the least. It wasn't until I saw you that… I was so full of anger and passion and… I guess that translated into sex," his face softened dramatically as he looked her body up and down, "Did I hurt you?"

She couldn't help but give him a small smile, "No, you didn't hurt me. It was… euphoric, to say the least."

Sheldon nodded in agreement and Amy asked, "What were you planning on saying when you got over here?"

"I'm not sure," Sheldon ran his fingers through his sweat-dampened hair, "that I was angry with you. For leaving. For coming back. That you don't understand how much you were interrupting my life by making your reappearance like that."

Amy winced. She knew he was angry, but to hear the reasons adding a sting she had not been prepared for. Sheldon continued, "That I missed you, and there hasn't been a day that's gone by where I haven't thought about you…"

Amy felt tears well up in her eyes. She certainly wasn't expecting to hear that, but she kept her composure. She didn't want to cry in front of him, even though it pained her to hear his internal struggle break through the cracks as he finally revealed what he was thinking. "I'm so sorry, Sheldon… for everything. You have no idea."

Sheldon looked away from her, and she brought her hand to his bicep and said, "Look. It's late so there no way we can get this all out of the way and taken care of tonight, but how do you feel about starting fresh? We can meet in a neutral environment and just, you know, talk. See where that takes us."

Sheldon didn't turn to look at her, but she noticed the faintest shift in his shoulders as he thought about it. After several seconds, he nodded. Amy hated seeing him like this but despised herself for being the cause of it. She missed him so much. His brain, his caring, but most importantly, she missed his smile.

"I'd give anything to see you smile again," Amy muttered and Sheldon turned to look at her, giving her a sad expression that nearly broke her heart. She blushed at him and looked away, had she really said that out loud?

Sheldon didn't acknowledge it, "May I use your shower before I go?"

Amy swallowed the lump in her throat, "There are towels in the cabinet beside the bathroom on the right."

He left and Amy didn't dare turn to watch him leave. When she heard the bathroom door shut, she sighed and laid back down. She needed a shower, too, and she was tempted to join him in there, but they were both too volatile for that. After what happened, the last thing Amy needed to do was join him in the shower. Instead, she stared up at her ceiling, listening to the shower running, reflecting on the fact that she and Sheldon had just had sex, anger-filled, impassioned sex. That was the last thing she expected to happen when she found out he wanted to see her that night. She had hoped he wanted to talk, sort through the mess of feelings they both had. Still, there was no denying she eagerly welcomed him into her arms again. Regardless of how rough he was.

The late hour took over and Amy began to slowly drift off to sleep. She woke up to the sound of a door closing. She sat up and drew the sheet close to her body. The shower wasn't running anymore, and the lights were turned off, "Sheldon?"

She looked around her and found that Sheldon had collected his clothes and left. She tried to stop the tears from flowing down, but she couldn't. She cried, holding the sheets close to her chest, missing him now more than ever.

* * *

 **Thank you in advance for your reviews!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: Thank you so much for your support with this story. I know that updates are few and far between, but I appreciate y'alls patience! I hope you enjoy the next installation of the story.**

* * *

 **Chapter Eight**

* * *

 _Sheldon crawled over her, giving her a long, but gentle kiss that spoke of tenderness and love. Amy was shaking beneath him. They were naked in her bed, rolling around and kissing like a couple of lovesick teenagers. They hadn't planned this, but of course, they hadn't planned a lot of what had happened between them, "Are you okay?" Sheldon asked once he pulled away from their kiss._

" _Just a little nervous…" Amy said honestly. She shifted beneath him, "Are you?"_

" _Slightly," he sighed. His breath smelled minty and chocolatey; Amy loved it, "but I still want this, even though I never believed I would. Over the past few months, you've given me feelings I have never experienced before. I want to," he paused to give her a peck on the lips, "show you how much you mean to me."_

 _Amy smiled and reached out to stroke his face. There was the faintest sandpaper feeling of his stubble growing in against her palm, "You mean a lot to me, too, more than anyone," Amy whispered. Her shaking had calmed down significantly and she looked him in the eyes and asked, "God," she muttered, "how did this happen so quickly?"_

" _I'm not sure," Sheldon whispered back with a smile. His fingers gingerly brushed her hair away from her face as he spoke, "but I'm enjoying it."_

" _Me too," She leaned up slightly and kissed him. His erection pressed against her body, making her moan and tilt her hips instinctively._

 _When they broke their kiss, Sheldon asked, "Are you ready?"_

 _Amy smiled and nodded, but Sheldon frowned, "I don't want to hurt you."_

" _I promise," Amy gave him three quick kisses and reached between them to position him where he needed to be, "you won't."_

* * *

Sheldon was exhausted beyond comprehension, and yet sleep eluded him. Just three hours ago he had sex with Amy and try as he might, he couldn't stop thinking about their first time long ago, and how different it had been. Strangely enough, he had not been the least bit nervous showing up to her apartment. While he hadn't intended on having sex with her, nothing was holding him back. God, he wanted her at that moment, and he had no issue making his desire known. It was as if those three years had just disappeared from his mind.

He glanced at his watch and sighed. He had to get up for work soon. He rolled over on his side, determined to at least get a few minutes of sleep when his phone went off. He grumbled and reached over to see that Amy had texted him.

" **Would you like to meet tonight to talk things out?"**

"Oh good lord…" Sheldon rubbed his tired eyes. He couldn't imagine a scenario where things would end well during this discussion, but he also agreed to talk to her and being who he was, he couldn't cancel on her.

He typed out his reply, **"Yes, would you rather just meet at my apartment?"**

' _So much for a neutral location…'_ Sheldon thought, but the thought of discussing their issues in public didn't settle well with him. It was either his place, or hers, and he wasn't going to go to her apartment again. Not after what had happened between them.

" **Are you sure?"** Amy asked.

" **Yes, I'd rather talk about this in private."**

Sheldon set his phone back down on the nightstand. He hoped he wasn't giving her false hope by inviting her over. What happened hours ago was a one-time thing and would not be repeated under any circumstances. Slowly and with a protesting groan, Sheldon stood up and walked out of his room to eat breakfast. Leonard's door opened and Penny walked out, making Sheldon grimace.

"Oh, morning Sheldon," Penny greeted and Sheldon only hummed in response before she said, "wow… you look exhausted."

"Couldn't sleep," Sheldon answered quietly as he began walking towards the restroom. He reached for the knob and felt Penny's hand on his arm.

"Hold on sweetie, are you okay? Is this about…" She apparently wanted to say 'Amy', but luckily for Sheldon, she cut herself off.

"I'll be fine, Penny" Sheldon lied, "I just need to get this day over with."

That day at work was what Sheldon would describe as pure torture. He was struggling to stay awake, and he was afraid to leave his office in case he encountered Amy. He half thought about going home early, but he pressed on, hoping science would be the sanctuary he desperately needed. Instead, his thoughts kept leading to Amy, and everything about Amy. From the sound of her voice to the smell of her skin.

When he was finally back home, he was happy to learn that Leonard would be gone at Penny's. The last thing he needed was for him and Penny to eavesdrop. The door knocked right at the time they had agreed to meet and Sheldon answered the door, greeted with Amy's pained expression.

"Hi," Amy muttered.

"Hello," he stepped aside to let Amy in and she stepped forward.

"I'm surprised you wanted to meet here," Amy said as she looked around the room. She watched Sheldon walk over to the couch and sit in his favorite spot.

"I'd rather talk about this in private," Sheldon said.

"Understandable…" Amy took a deep breath and followed him over to the couch and sat next to him as she removed her purse, "there is a lot we need to talk about."

"I beg to differ," Sheldon said with a glare.

Amy blinked and tilted her head in confusion "Excuse me?"

Sheldon didn't respond. There was a lot to discuss, but frankly, he didn't want to hear a word about it. Every time he looked at Amy, even heard her voice, it pained him. She was his kryptonite, his poison.

"Don't you have questions? Don't you _want_ answers?"

"I have tons of questions," Sheldon retorted, "but no answer you could give me is going to fix this."

"Sheldon," she frowned, "you're not even going to try?"

Sheldon shook his head and stood up, frustrated. Why should he try? Amy certainly didn't try to stay when she had the chance, "I'm… I'm angry, Amy. I'm furious. Every time I look at you, that anger wells up in my chest and I'm stuck with it. It physically pains me."

"I'm trying to fix that—"

"Are you telling me you have an excellent reason for leaving me like that? Because if you do, I'm all ears. I welcome it because I would _love_ to let go of all these negative feelings I have."

Sheldon crossed his arms and watched as Amy looked away from him. Her teeth worried at her bottom lip and she ran her fingers through her long, dark hair before whispering, "No… I-I don't have a good reason."

Sheldon let out a noise that was between a sigh and a laugh, "Well then, what exactly is this going to do for me? How will it help?"

"Because you'll have answers!" Amy stood, "They may not be answers you want, but they'll be answers."

"I think this talk is going to help you more than it will help me. You're going to spill everything so that your conscious is clear. You will know that at least you told me why it happened. You're just trying to rid your own burden—"

"That's not true!" Amy yelled. Her eyes were red and her lower lip began quivering, "how could you possibly say that?! I'm not that selfish!"

"If you weren't that selfish, you wouldn't have left without saying goodbye!"

They were both breathing heavily now and Amy rubbed at her temples, "All I'm trying to do is explain—"

"Fine! Explain! Go ahead, say what you need to," Sheldon turned away from her, "Let's get this over with so I can get some much-needed rest."

"You're the one who contacted me last night! _You_ came to my apartment, and _you_ initiated sex between us! Did you forget that?!"

Sheldon's muscles tensed up, but he didn't dare look at her as she continued, "You came to me angry and desperate, and I _know_ you wanted answers, so don't try to act like you don't care anymore! Because if you didn't care, you wouldn't have _fucked me_ as if your life depended on it last night!"

Sheldon turned and let out a low rumble. Last night, he was angry, and now, he was enraged. That feeling grew inside of him and went directly to his groin. He wanted to scream, and at the same time take her again much like he had done the night before, but he resisted. Sex wasn't going to take them anywhere. He took a deep breath to calm himself down and then met her gaze.

"Amy," he hated how much he enjoyed saying her name, "I feel like I'm fighting the universe here. I'm so angry, but everything hurts. Seeing you hurts me. Hearing your voice hurts me… dreaming of you hurts me, And the more I fight it," he paused as he felt tears string up in his eyes, "the worse it gets."

She walked up to him and grasped his bicep, giving him a gentle squeeze as her thumb caressed him over his shirts, "Then stop fighting it, please. Just let me explain myself, and even if you don't like the answer, you'll have one."

Sheldon blinked away his tears and looked back down at her with a softer gaze. He was tired, beyond exhausted, and he hoped Amy understood that. He wasn't ready for answers, and he was terrified of what she might say, "I can't. Not tonight, I'm not ready."

Amy lowered her hand away from him as he continued, "I'm sorry, I just, I want to have a level head when we finally talk about this. I want to be able to understand. I need to come to terms with your return before I can start to accept why you left in the first place."

Amy nodded and Sheldon could see fresh tears forming in her eyes, "Okay, I understand," She turned and grabbed her purse off the floor and draped it over her torso. She then walked to the door and before she opened it, turned back to look at him, defeated, "please, please reach out to me when you're ready, okay? I won't hold anything back, and I'll answer any question you may have. I promise."

Sheldon nodded, "I will."

A tear fell down her cheek as she opened the door, and Sheldon was perplexed by the fact that he wanted to immediately go over to her and comfort her, after everything that had happened, but he resisted as she left.

* * *

Penny stood, pressed against her door as she gazed out of the peephole. Leonard sat on the couch, watching as his girlfriend snooped on his best friend and rolled his eyes, "Really Penny? Spying?"

"How can I not?! This is crazy. There is some intense stuff going on between them."

"I know that," Leonard said, "which is why we should give them their privacy."

"Hmmm," Penny hummed and shifted her weight, "Or… investigate."

Leonard groaned and removed his glasses so that he could rub his eyes, "I should have known this was coming…"

"Come on!" Penny turned away from the door and crossed her arms, "Don't you want to talk to this woman?"

"I already did!" Leonard was beginning to get exasperated, "She told me Sheldon was special to her."

"Obviously!" Penny gazed back out through the peephole, "She's in tears over the guy."

"So I'm guessing whatever happened didn't go well," Leonard concluded with a small wince. He grabbed her waist and kissed her cheek before she finally turned back towards him, "No investigating, no snooping. We're Sheldon's friends and we need to act like it."

A few seconds passed before Penny sighed and nodded before falling into his arms. However, if Leonard knew Penny as well as he hoped it did, he knew that she wasn't going to listen.

* * *

Sheldon collapsed on his head and sighed into his pillow. He wanted answers, honestly, he did, but at the same time, he was worried what those answers would do to him. If he was this crazy about Amy now, what would answers do? Would he finally rest? Would he finally focus on work and the mysteries of the universe? He could only hope so. And the only way that could happen was if he was in his right mind.

Right now, he was too fragile and he feared that talking to her when he wasn't ready might break whatever resolve he had left.

* * *

 **Thank you in advance for your reviews!**


End file.
